Saturday, 11 October 2014

Taken from "The Lonely Man Chronicles".

The Alarming Episode of the Boy from the Bush.

Night after night
Right after the fright
That they’d given the kids in their care
They ate at that table
As fast as were able
Then disappeared back below stairs

Acting refined while they feasted on fear
And munched on the sorrow and glugged back the tears
They chatted and giggled and sang wicked songs
Told terrible jokes and trumped wicked pongs
Never taking a moment to stop and to think
Of the hero approaching with grin and with wink

But approach them he did as the Queen’s song was sung
To right the wrongs and to free the young
Boys that they kept and they scared for their supper
The first to leap up was the first one to suffer
“Eleven to one?” He thought before then
Swinging his ladle and making it ten

All at once the ten tore off
The human masks and clothes of cloth
The leapt and they hissed and they clawed at the air
They hunched and they sneered and they spat and they glared
At this insolent child who was up at this hour
And dared to stand when most would cower

His gown had come open, it flapped like a cape
As he leapt like a dog and he rolled like an ape
Dodging the blows of his black hearted foes
He paused and he grinned, then he picked his nose
Before girding his loins and fixing his mind
On his long, lethal ladle and making ten nine

Nine became eight, then another two fell
All quickly consigned to the dark depths of hell
By the young man with the grin and the twitch in his eye
Who laughed as he fought with no fear he would die
He lashed out his long ladle, mid running-dive
From the top of the table, and six became five

The five that remained when the young man did rest
Backed away slowly toward the great chest
Wherein they would find a weapon that might
Put an end to this boy on this very night
But wait, what now? He’s decided to yield?
Casting aside ladle and cooking pot shield

The man in the gown turned his back on his prey
Scratching his bum as he walked away
 Snatching an axe from a suit that had last
Contained a brave knight many years in the past
He twirled it and swung it and, nearing the door 
He turned and he threw it and five became four

In one smooth, swift movement as he passed it by
He slipped the knot holding the rope that ran high
From the hook on the wall to the candles that hung
From the beams up above and on this, the lad swung
Looking so dandy in his fine flowing gown
As he passed by the candles plummeting down

The creatures did scream as they craned their necks back
Three crushed to death under the attack
 Of the big iron ring with the wax and the flames
That the young man had sent to end their wicked games
Much better odds now so many were gone
 The young man relaxed, eleven were one

Relaxing is great when you’re by a pool
Or in that six weeks when you have no more school
But never, my friend, when you find yourself in
A castle and fighting a fight you must win
For it’s right at that point, as you take a deep breath
You’re foe will fight hard to avoid certain death

The chest creaked as it opened, the creature brought out
A gun with a barrel just like a pigs snout
He squeezed on the trigger and sent forth a shell
Forged in the deepest dark, dank pits of hell
The creature laughed loud and he narrowed his eyes
And called out to the boy “Here, kid, surprise”

The floor that he stood on, once solid and strong
Crumbled beneath him and sent him headlong 
To the scene down below where the candle flames did
Ignite some fat from a cooking pan lid
The flames spread fast, engulfing all
Lighting and heating the grand dining hall

The young man had fought hard and fought so well
But pride had come before he fell
To the floor on which he found himself lay
Battered and bruised and about to pay
The ultimate price for trying to portray
Himself as the hero that saved the day

Author unknown.

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Taken from "The Lonely Man Chronicles".

The Peculiar Report of the Pirate, the Kettle and the Ice Cream Seller.

“The captain stood upon the prow
And watched as his crew gave a lesson in how
To terrorise a ship and crew
To do what pirates love to do
To swash and buckle and buckle and swash
To steal the gold of the rich and the posh
His men now swarmed across his prey
Swinging great swords as their prey rued the day
That they’d climbed aboard this aging wreck
To meet such a fate upon the deck
Of what should have been their floating hotel
Transformed, in an instant, to this living hell

Their canons boomed and pistols cracked
A flurry of violence with no holding back
The wicked men and their murderous minds
Set upon mischief and crimes of all kinds
But what was that up above in the sky?
Two strangely clad lads flying high, passing by
His own sturdy ship as he stood on the prow
And had time to wonder, “What the?” and “How?”
Then the crash from behind as a sub made of tin
Destroyed the rear end and all lay within
The chests of dubloons and the sacks full of jewels
His beautiful bounty destroyed by those fools

The captain had, in his hair and his beard
Smouldering matches for a look that was feared
From the north to the south and the east to the west
Scaring his foes was what he liked best
With a terrible snarl and a roar of pure rage
Captain joined crew and the foe he engaged
In hand to hand combat, though his own held a sword
All ran from his path or leapt overboard
In a terrible panic, they feared for their lives
But needn’t have worried, some help had arrived
In the form of a pair of skinny young men
Who’d fought greater battles when “then” was still “when?”

The party of pirates with greed in their eyes
All at once met an unwelcome surprise
Two lads with broad smiles sharing giggles and winks
One munching a biscuit with wafers of pink
Had arrived in their midst and had started to fight
With great skill and pizzazz on the side we call “right”
They rolled and they swung and they ducked and they leapt
And wave after wave of their foes were just swept
Aside with no effort, a match they were not
They taught them a lesson they never forgot
Never assume the nice man is the meeker
Sometimes you will find it’s the bad that are weaker

So the captain grabbed a rope that hung
From the rigging above, then across had he swung
To land by the door through which he did see
That those Devils in goggles had chosen to flee
He followed them slowly, pistol raised high
Lips curled in a snarl and a glint in his eye 
The captain enjoyed and took great pleasure
In his relentless attempts to amass yet more treasure
And any man that stood in his way
Would meet their maker that very same day
The captain stepped in through the door
He’d kill them soon, of that he was sure.”

Author unknown.


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Tuesday, 7 October 2014

They're there.

They're there, you know? When you close your eyes
Despite what you've heard, your parents told lies
When they said that there's nothing to give you a fright
When they tuck you in and they turn off your light
There is, there is, on one night they're there
Watching you sleeping and stroking your hair

There they will wait and they'll wait there all night
They've nothing to do but give children a fright
They'll sit on your chest and they'll wait for their prize
All that they need is you open your eyes
For it's then, only then, that they're able to pounce
To stop you from screaming they'll first eat your mouth

All year they have waited and now autumn's here
The night of their visit grows ever near
That wondrous eve when they rise from their tombs
And giggle and whistle and hide in your rooms
They watch and  they wait 'til you flick off that switch
And signal the start of the night of the witch

All that they crave is your precious, sweet soul
To scare you to death and then swallow you whole
Is it too much to ask? They don't take everyone
Just you and your friends, then away they'll be gone
And just to be fair, they've given fair warning
Just keep those eyes shut and shut tight until morning

Now heed my words and heed them well
They'll know you're awake for your terror they'll smell
They're patient, they'll wait for as long as they must
Until the morning's fresh sunlight turns them back to dust
Don't murmur, don't fidget, don't dare to peep
Pretend if you must, but you must stay asleep

And what if you don't? What would happen then?
A terrible fate is in store for you when
Your eyes flicker open and glance round your room
They'll rush from the corners and shadows and gloom
They screech and they'll chatter and rush to your bed
And feed upon flesh of a child, newly dead

So remember, dear children, this story I tell
Remember my words, remember them well
They're waiting for you every year on this night
To see your eyes open before the sunlight
Comes creeping through your window pane
And makes your bedroom safe again

They'll leave the next morning, each year just the same
They'll slither off back to from whence they came
But be assured, children, next year again
They'll come creeping back, waiting for that moment when
You've opened your eyes in the dark and you've seen
The horror awaiting you on...


John Spacey.

Saturday, 16 August 2014

The newest news so far...

Now available to pre-order for your Kindle devices...

Click image to pre-
order from

"Kissy Sizzle's Swan Song"

The third and final installment in the Ballad of Kissy Sizzle.

Join Kissy, Kian and their companions, some new, some more familiar, as the holiday of a lifetime turns into an adventure like none before.

Thrust into a world that shouldn't be, follow the action as Kissy and Kian, now young adults, battle a foe like no other to save the world we know.

Against overwhelming odds, travel with our heroes as they accompany young Master Harris on his first holiday to a whole new world, a world that should never have been.

Pitted against fantastical creatures, cutting edge technology and weapons like the world has never seen before (and shouldn't be seeing yet) our three friends, along with allies both new and old, fight what seems to be an un-winnable battle against an evil like the world has never seen.

Could this really be Kissy's final song? 

Release date : 10th September, 2014.
Kissy Sizzle's Swan Song,
The Ballad of Kissy Sizzle, Verse III.

John Spacey.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Even Newer Newest News...

The third and final installment in the trilogy, 
Kissy Sizzle's Swan Song
 now has a release date, and even a shiny, new cover.

If you've been a fan of young Ms Sizzle, or even if you're new to the Ballad, this is the one you DON'T want to miss.

Follow Kissy and her companions on the holiday of a lifetime, a holiday that will take them to the world that should never have been.

The most exciting verse, Kissy Sizzle's Swan Song will lead you on a journey that stretches from the Scottish highlands to the white cliffs of Dover as Kissy, Kian and company battle against overwhelming odds to put right what has been put wrong.

Could this adventure really be Kissy's swan song?

Kissy Sizzle's Swan Song, release date September 10th, 2014.

John Spacey.

Saturday, 5 July 2014

Newest News.

Coming Soon...
Verse III in the Ballad of Kissy Sizzle

Kissy Sizzle's Swan Song.

The last book in the increasingly popular Kissy trilogy, Kissy Sizzle's Swan Song,
follows Kissy and Kian on another epic adventure.

Join Kissy in a world you've never known, but so easily could have.

Taking  place several years after the conclusion of verse II, The Plight of the Bumble Bee, Kissy, together with a band of acquaintances both new and familiar, takes a final stand against an old and long forgotten enemy. Travel with her to a world of danger and intrigue as she tries to put right that which has been put wrong.

Release date : TBA

To celebrate the impending launch of the final book, and for one week only, you can purchase verse I

The Ballad of Kissy Sizzle

on Kindle for just 99pence.

(Be quick, offer ends July 11th, 2014.)

Check back soon for more news on the adventures of young Ms Sizzle,
Kian, Master Harris and company in their ultimate adventure...

Kissy Sizzle's Swan Song.

John Spacey.

Thursday, 29 May 2014

What's in a name?

One of my favourite parts of writing the first two books in the Kissy Sizzle series has been coming up with names for each chapter. These are the contents pages, and the first page of the story, for the second book, The Plight of the Bumble Bee.

John Spacey.