The Alarming Episode of the Boy from the Bush.
Night after night
Right after the fright
That they’d given the kids in their care
They ate at that table
As fast as were able
Then disappeared back below stairs
Acting refined while they feasted on fear
And munched on the sorrow and glugged back the tears
They chatted and giggled and sang wicked songs
Told terrible jokes and trumped wicked pongs
Never taking a moment to stop and to think
Of the hero approaching with grin and with wink
But approach them he did as the Queen’s song was sung
To right the wrongs and to free the young
Boys that they kept and they scared for their supper
The first to leap up was the first one to suffer
“Eleven to one?” He thought before then
Swinging his ladle and making it ten
All at once the ten tore off
The human masks and clothes of cloth
The leapt and they hissed and they clawed at the air
They hunched and they sneered and they spat and they glared
At this insolent child who was up at this hour
And dared to stand when most would cower
His gown had come open, it flapped like a cape
As he leapt like a dog and he rolled like an ape
Dodging the blows of his black hearted foes
He paused and he grinned, then he picked his nose
Before girding his loins and fixing his mind
On his long, lethal ladle and making ten nine
Nine became eight, then another two fell
All quickly consigned to the dark depths of hell
By the young man with the grin and the twitch in his eye
Who laughed as he fought with no fear he would die
He lashed out his long ladle, mid running-dive
From the top of the table, and six became five
The five that remained when the young man did rest
Backed away slowly toward the great chest
Wherein they would find a weapon that might
Put an end to this boy on this very night
But wait, what now? He’s decided to yield?
Casting aside ladle and cooking pot shield
The man in the gown turned his back on his prey
Scratching his bum as he walked away
Snatching an axe from a suit that had last
Contained a brave knight many years in the past
He twirled it and swung it and, nearing the door
He turned and he threw it and five became four
In one smooth, swift movement as he passed it by
He slipped the knot holding the rope that ran high
From the hook on the wall to the candles that hung
From the beams up above and on this, the lad swung
Looking so dandy in his fine flowing gown
As he passed by the candles plummeting down
The creatures did scream as they craned their necks back
Three crushed to death under the attack
Of the big iron ring with the wax and the flames
That the young man had sent to end their wicked games
Much better odds now so many were gone
The young man relaxed, eleven were one
Relaxing is great when you’re by a pool
Or in that six weeks when you have no more school
But never, my friend, when you find yourself in
A castle and fighting a fight you must win
For it’s right at that point, as you take a deep breath
You’re foe will fight hard to avoid certain death
The chest creaked as it opened, the creature brought out
A gun with a barrel just like a pigs snout
He squeezed on the trigger and sent forth a shell
Forged in the deepest dark, dank pits of hell
The creature laughed loud and he narrowed his eyes
And called out to the boy “Here, kid, surprise”
The floor that he stood on, once solid and strong
Crumbled beneath him and sent him headlong
To the scene down below where the candle flames did
Ignite some fat from a cooking pan lid
The flames spread fast, engulfing all
Lighting and heating the grand dining hall
The young man had fought hard and fought so well
But pride had come before he fell
To the floor on which he found himself lay
Battered and bruised and about to pay
The ultimate price for trying to portray
Himself as the hero that saved the day
Author unknown.
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